


Inside the Lives of the Paladins

by ItsYourMilkBoiKags



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AT LEAST I HOPE YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, Crack, F/M, HONESTLY IT'S A JUMBLED MESS, How Do I Tag, Humor, I PULL EVERY CHAPTER OUT OF MY ASS, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I get ideas from tumblr, LIKE IN NO WAY, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, No Plot/Plotless, Oh My God, Random chapters, Randomness, THIS HAS NO DIRECTION, Team Voltron is a mess, Team Voltron took some sort of drug, There's some texting, What Was I Thinking?, crossing my fingers, doesn't relate to plot, too many tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-11-12 05:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11155128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsYourMilkBoiKags/pseuds/ItsYourMilkBoiKags
Summary: Basically just a dumbass crack fic on what the paladins do when they aren't protecting the universe and fucking around with their lions. It get's weird. I'm not gonna lie. I made this on a whim and I'm going with it.





	1. The Buddy System

**Author's Note:**

> I got my inspiration for this chapter from tumblr. 
> 
> The post was made by * ironinkpen * and part of the post said this :
> 
> "Keith and Lance use the buddy system whenever they have to walk through the castle because they still don't trust it not to kill them and there's strength in numbers shut up pidge."
> 
> Instead of Keith I used Hunk, and that small thing from their post is like 10x better then what I wrote anyways. Oh well.

 

Ever since the ship got infected and tried to kill everybody that one time, Lance and Hunk have been on the defense. Even after countless reassurance from Allura, Coran, and Shiro that it wouldn't happen again, Lance and Hunk weren't taking any chances. So ever since then, Lance and Hunk have been doing the buddy system.

 

Hunk has to pee at 2 in the morning? He wakes up Lance and they go together.

Boom. Buddy system.

 

Lance needs to go to the bathroom to wash his lovely face but no one else is in there? He inturupts Hunk's snack time and Hunk goes with him.

Bayum. Buddy System.

 

My point is, if they need to go somewhere in the castle, but they know no one is in that area, then they go together. Obviously they haven't told any of the other paladins. How embarrassing would it be for Lance if Keith and Allura found out that he, a 17 year old man, needed someone to go to the _bathroom_ with him?

And how weird it would be for Hunk if Pidge and Shiro kept giving him the _'are you serious?'_ look for the fact that he needed someone to get a snack with him.

Those were situations they would not want to end up in, so they agreed to keep it under wraps.

 

One night though, Lance really had to go to the bathroom. So he shook Hunk as hard as he could, but he refused to wake up. Lance tried to shake him harder, but Hunk's larger body couldn't so easily be moved by Lance's scrawny one. Lance sighed in defeat after 5 minutes of loud whispering, hitting in the gut, and the most pathetic attempt to shake a person that has ever taken place. He decided since it had already been over two weeks since that incident, it would be okay if he went alone. Just this once. He took a deep breath and walked out of Hunk's room and into the dark cold hallway.

 

He shivered as his bare feet came in contact with the freezing metal floor. He looked to his right down the hallway, and he couldn't see the end of it. The darkness just swallowed up all the walls, the floor, and the ceiling that was there earlier in the day. His mind kept thinking about the possibility of the robotic dummy just jumping out from the darkness coming to attack him again. He let out a shaky breath as he shook his head, as if that would shake the thought away itself.

_'Okay Lance McClain. You. Can. Do. It.'_

_'I can't do it.'_

_'Yes you can.'_

_'Bruh. Stfu. No I can't. Look down that hallway and tell me you don't see hell itself.'_

_'I thought hell was supposed to be bright?'_

_'Why the hell, hehe...wait no, why the hell would hell be bright?'_

_'Um, **duuuuuh** because of all the fire. You quiznack.'_

_'I think Keith's right....I don't think you're using that word right.'_

_'Oh, so you're taking the mullets side? Shut up! Anyways just go down that hallway, piss, and come back! Simple as that!'_

_'I still don't think I can.'_

_' ***sigh*** Just. Do. It!'_

_'W-what?'_

_'A few minutes ago you said a few minutes, so **JUST. DO IT.'**_

_'Woah man. T-Take it easy! I'm sure that meme's been overused on Earth already!'_

_'Does it look like we're on Earth? No. I didn't think so. We're standing in the hallway of a castle, instead of going to the bathroom.'_

_'Okay. I'll do it.'_

_'Good. Follow your dreams.'_

_'I will. Thank you sensei.'_ _'Of course.... **young grasshopper.'**_

 

Lance snapped out of his thoughts with the most weirded out face one could make.

"What the hell goes on up there?" he shrugged his shoulders and started walking down the hallway. He kept his mind focused on the goal, and kept himself from looking around which would just scare him further. Finally, before he reaches his destination, he bumps into something within the darkness and falls onto his ass. Immediately he flails his arms and makes panicked choked noises.

"GAH! UM UM NOT AGAIN! DON'T KILL ME! HELP HELP! KILLER ROBOT! I KNOW KARATE! WATCH OUT!" he stared karate chopping the dark empty air.

"Pfft what the hell?" he heard the all too familiar voice of his arch nemesis Keith. (Boi admit your love already.) Suddenly the figure of the mullet haired drop out came into view, and the manly tears flowing down Lance's cheeks stopped.

"K- **KEITH!?!!?** "

"Yeah?" Lance suddenly jumped up and shook Keith by his shoulders.

"WHAT THE HELL MAN!? YOU SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH! I THOUGHT YOU WERE THAT ROBOT THING COMING TO ATTACK ME! FUCK MY HEART JUMPED OUT OF MY CHEST!!! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME ASSHOLE!!?!?" Keith looked absolutely dumbfounded as his brain was being shaken into a smoothie. Finally Lance stopped shaking Keith and his tears had dried.

"I knew you were a wimp, but I didn't think it was _this_ bad." said Keith as he smirked. Lance blushed in embarrassment and harshly brushed shoulders with Keith as he walked by him, chin up high, and acting all high and mighty.

"Yeah whatever _drop out._ Don't tell anyone about this or you don't know what I'll do."

"What are you gonna do if I _do_ tell someone."

"Simple. **I'll cut off your disgusting mullet while you sleep then glue it to your face to make disgusting facial hair."** Keith shuddered at the disturbing thought and started to stiffly walk away.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Finally, Lance made it to the bathroom. And by the time he did, he didn't even have to go anymore....

 

 **"SON OF A _QUIZNACK!!!"_**

 

 

 


	2. Trust Falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again an idea I got off of tumblr. Whoop. Basically Lance just goes around doing trust falls for "team bonding"

 

 

It was breakfast and everyone was eating their fair share of the space goop Coran provided them with, and once again Allura was droning on and on about how they needed to bond more as a team so they'll be able to form Voltron without such a long buildup like last time. As gorgeous as Lance found her to be, at this very moment in time he just wished she would just shut her quiznack and let it go for at least today. Her idea of team bonding involved danger and boring tasks to do in pairs. Spoiler alert, those didn't work, so why was she trying to force It so much? Like _yeah,_ they were defending the universe from angry purple aliens and their team work was a key element to defeat them, but trying to force it in such ways will just stress everyone out and cause arguments, basically bringing them even further apart. Lance rolled his eyes as he noticed the rest of "Team Voltron" was half asleep or toying with their food goo, and yes, Shiro was apart of it. Lance sighed and the strict princess of Altea immediately stopped her talk and quirked a brow at him.

"Do you have a problem Lance?" she asked in a tone that just screamed, 'don't-test-me'.

"Uh yeah I actually do." This got the attention of his rival, _**Keith**_ who just loves seeing Lance get in trouble.

"You do? Then please, enlighten us." Lance scratched his cheek awkwardly and stayed silent.

"Come on now, no need to be shy, tell us what's on your mind." Lance huffed like a child and sat up straight in his chair.

"Okay, fine. The ways you try to make us bond don't work whatsoever. Putting us in dangerous situations stresses us out, and then making us do chores in pairs makes us even crankier, which causes fights and drags us apart instead of bringing us together. If you force it, you force a bond, and forced bonds aren't that strong. You need to let it happen naturally, or at least give me a chance to come up with a way to bond with everyone." Lance took a deep breath afterwards, and just sat there stiff as a board, waiting for angry words from at least _someone._ Finally, when someone did speak up, it was Shiro, and instead of being angry or stern, it was a tone of shock.

"I actually have to agree with him princess. The ways you try to bring us together just don't work. I think we should give Lance a shot of getting us all to bond." Lance sent Shiro a greatful smile and Allura sighed in defeat.

"Alright then. For today only, I'll give you a chance to get everyone to bond in your own way, but if this doesn't work, we're going back to my strategy, understood paladins?"

"Yes princess." they simultaneously said in bored and tired tones.

"Well then," she clapped her hands together, "then you're all dismissed since I see everyone is done eating. Good luck, and I hope you have a wonderful bonding experience!" she stood and exited the room with Coran following after.

"So Lance, what's your plan anyways?" asked Pidge, her face laid down on the hard surface of the table.

"I don't know. All I know is that we're all gonna bond SO HARD, and you'll thank me for what a glorious guy I am." Lance cocked his cocky smirk and left the room as well, pondering about what he should do to develop a bond and trust between himself and his fellow paladins...

 

 

**Time Skip....**

 

 

Hunk was in the kitchen for an afternoon snack and was so invested in his food that he didn't notice a lurking Lance in the shadows. Hunk stood up to clean his bowl, until suddenly Lance came rushing into the Kitchen and yelled at the top of his lungs, "TRUST FALL", leaned back, and started tipping backwards, having the knowledge that his best bud would catch him. Well, that's what he thought before he crashed to the grounded and ended up with a bruised tail bone.

"HUNK! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Wha-what?! What did I do?!"

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CATCH ME!"

"How was I supposed to know that Lance?"

"Um, I don't know, what part of 'trust _**FALL**_ ' don't you get?!"

"I'm sorry! But you sneak attacked me! I can't catch someone if they just suddenly start falling, I-I need a little warning first!"

"I SHOUTED TRUST FALL!"

"....."

"...."

"I'm so-"

"Nope. Nope. Nope. You know what, It's cool. You just aren't my #1 bro now."

"What?! Wait La-"

"Later....friend." Lance walked out of the kitchen dramatically, and as he disappeared, Hunk was left with a quivering lip.

"I don't even get the title 'bro' anymore...?"

 

 

**Time Skip....**

 

Keith was sparring with the robotic dummy when suddenly Lance barged in screaming at the top of his lungs, rushing towards Keith like a maniac.

"What the fu-" suddenly Lance turns on his heels and starts falling backwards.

"TRUUUUUUST FAAAAALLLLLLL!" his body fell backwards just in time for the staff the dummy was using to skim just above Lance's nose. Keith's eye twitched as he saw Lance's scrawny form pathetically fall to the floor, his head bumping his shoe.

"OOOOOWWW! MULLET YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CATCH ME!"

"WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I?!"

"IT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP US BOND!"

"HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP US BOND?!"

"IT'S CALLED A 'TRUST FALL', AND IT HELPS BUILD TRUST!"

"THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S DUMBER?"

"WHAT?"

"YOUR HAIR!"

"THAT ISN'T EVEN RELEVANT TO THIS SITUATION!"

"ThAt iSn'T EVeN rEleVaNT tO ThIS sITuAtION!"

"DID YOU JUST SPONGEBOB MEME ME?!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT MEMES ARE?!"

"WELL YEAH! DID YOU JUST ASSUME I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT MEMES WERE?"

"YEAH! YOUR FASHION SENSE SEEMS TO LIVE IN THE 80S SO I FIGURED YOUR ENTERTAINMENT AND CULTURE DID TOO!" before Keith could retort, the dummy went to attack again and caught Keith off guard, ending in his defeat, and the disappearance of the thing. Lance just crawled away slowly before they could get into another argument...

 

 

**Time Skip...**

 

Lance walked into Pidge's room whistling nonchalantly, where she was working on making a device.

"TRU-"

"Don't even think about it Lance."

"Huh?"

"I heard from Hunk that you're going around doing trust falls...don't even think about it."

"O-Okay..." Lance raised his hands in front of him in defense and slowly backed out of the room.

 

 

**Time Skip....**

 

This was the final person. Lance busted into the weight room like a ninja, doing pathetic summer-saults and karate chopping the air.

"Um...Lance?"

"Yeah Shiro?"

"Do you need something? You never come in the weight room..."

"No, well actually yeah, just one thing."

"What is it?" Lance took a huge breath and turned around so his back was facing Shiro.

"TRUST FALL!" he screamed and tilted backwards. Shiro's eyes widened and he shot up super quick like an actual ninja and caught Lance into his arms. Lance slowly opened his eyes and was looking up at a concerned space dad.

"Yay! You caught me!" Shiro was absolutely dumbfounded. He helped Lance get back to his feet, and before he could ask just what in the hell that was, Lance ran out of the room cheering.

"That boy is a strange one."

 

 

**Time Skip....**

 

This was it. Dinner time. The day was basically over, and Allura will be expecting a bond of some kind. In reality, Lance didn't form a bond with anyone. Lance was nervously biting on his lower lip as he noticed he was 3 minutes past the scheduled dinner time. So he speed walked, and as he stepped through the door, everyone was laughing and talking more than they usually do.

"Ah! Lance! You did it!" screamed Allura with raised hands and a big goofy grin.

"I did what now?"

"You formed a bond with your fellow paladins!" Lance quirked a brow and looked at everyone, and they all looked back at him with big toothy grins, hell, even Keith was doing it. Lance sat down n between Keith and Hunk and was still absolutely confused. Everyone went back to the cheerful conversations they were having, and Lance just had to listen to what they were so damn chipper about.

"You should have seen Lance's face when he fell on the floor in the kitchen. Man you should have heard the sound!" Hunk told Shiro and they were laughing like no tomorrow. 

_'Wait a minute....are they all bonding over me....._ _**FALLING?!** _ _'_

"Stop talking about me right now!" Lance yelled. Everyone looked at him and started laughing.

"SToP tAlkInG ABouT mE RiGHt nOw!" Keith retorted. Lance gasped and pointed an accusing finger.

"Oh no you did not!"

"Oh yes I did." Lance puffed out his cheeks like a child, but then somehow, he and Keith started talking about memes and what their favorites were and started discussing making their own memes for the ship. Hunk, Shiro, and Pidge kept talking about Lance's pathetic attempts at trust falls, and Coran and Allura just sat back and watched everyone have a good time...

 

 

 


	3. Hannah Montana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith, Shiro, Allura, and Coran don't know what Hannah Montana is.
> 
> So of course Lance, Pidge, and Hunk have to show them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what this was. I was originally going to do a prompt I saw on tumblr, but then somehow I thought of....whatever this chapter is.

 

 

It was one of those boring days. The one's where no one was training, the Galra posed no threat, people didn't need saving, and the lions and castle were already sparkly clean, so everyone was just sitting on their asses and chatting amongst themselves. Allura and Coran were off doing god knows what, and as usual, Lance was trying to think of pick up lines to use of _the ladies~._

"Okay guys, what about this one? Ehem. Guess what I'm wearing? The smile you gave me." he followed that up with a wink and everyone else groaned in protest.

"Not a chance. Try a different one." Pidge stated while everyone else waited for the next cringy line to be thrown their way.

"Alright. How about this? If beauty were time, you'd be eternity."

"Awww!" everyone looked at Hunk with eyes that just said, 'really?'

"What? That one was cute! If I was a girl, I'd totally fall for that." he said with a clenched fist and furrowed brows.

"Ew, but I'm not trying to pick up you Hunk! If you like it, then that means it really sucks."

"Ouch Lance, that really hurts ya know?"

"Your pickup lines suck." stated Keith with a pointed glare in Lance's direction.

"Um, exCUUUUUUUSE YOU? I'd like to see you do better mullet." Keith rolled his eyes.

"Fine. It's a good thing I wore my gloves today, otherwise you'd be too hot to handle." everyone also groaned at this one.

"What? What was wrong with that one?"

"Those stupid pointless fingerless monstrosities you call gloves wouldn't do squat against heat ya quiznack!"

"You still aren't using that word right, and they aren't pointless!"

"Oh yeah? Then what point do they have young Billy Ray Cyrus?"

"Billy Ray Cyrus? Who the hell is that?" Lance, Hunk, and Pidge dramatically gasped and put their hands on their hearts.

"Woah woah woah! What are you saying Keith?! You mean to tell me you don't know who _**THE**_ Billy Ray Cyrus is?!" exclaimed Pidge.

"No...?"

"SO WAIT! Then that means you've never watched Hannah Montana?!" questioned Lance as his face morphed into pure disgust.

"No. What's a Hannah Montana?" Keith questioned in a way that gave away he knew he was walking on thin ice.

"No way." Lance said in disbelief.

"You've gotta be kidding me..." said Pidge in a slight whisper.

"Never....seen....Hannah Montana." finished Hunk. Keith was gonna say something, but before he could open his mouth, a series of synchronized claps resounded throughout the room, and they were coming from Pidge, Lance, and Hunk themselves. They stood on top of the couch they were on and started shaking their hips to the beats their claps were creating.

"You get the limo out front!" Lance suddenly belted out, having Pidge and Hunk lean in towards him into the middle with 'ooh-ah-ooh' causing Keith and Shiro to suddenly jolt in place out of surprise.

"Hottest styles, every shoe, every color~!"

"Yeah when you're famous it can be kinda fun!" Pidge starts, "It's really you but no one ever discooovveeerrs!"

"Who woulda thought, that a girl like me, would double as a super-staaaaAAAAAAAAAAR!" Hunk powerfully belts.

"YOU GET THE BEEEEEST OF BOOOTH WOOOORLDS!" All three of them sing, dance, and clap along as Keith and Shiro watch in amazement and in confusion.

"Chillin out"  (Lance)

"Take it slow" (Pidge)

"Then you rock out the show." (Hunk)

"YOU GET THE BEEEEEST OF BOOOTH WOOOORLDS!"

"Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds!" Lance finishes with his fist pumped in the air, and then all three of them laugh in the way Miley/Hannah does at the end of the theme song.

Shiro claps in utter amazement while Keith looks at them like they're members of the Galra.

"So....what was that?" he asked finally as they stopped bowing and Shiro stopped clapping. They facepalmed.

"THE HANNAH MONTANA THEME SONG!" Lance shouts.

"Well how was I supposed to know? I've never seen it!" Lance hummed in thought, hand on his chin and an eyebrow raised. He glanced over at Pidge and they made eye contact, he glanced over at Hunk and they made eye contact, all three of them nodded and a great plan was set in place without even a single word needing to be uttered...

 

**Time Skip...**

 

"So do you wanna tell me just what is going on here?" asked Allura as she and Coran entered the lounging area to see a bunch of things set out in the open space and Keith and Shiro sitting on the couch while Lance, Pidge, and Hunk move items around.

"Princess! Coran! Have a seat and don't ask any questions, okay?" Hunk said as he guided the Princess and Coran by their shoulder's to the couch and sat them down.

"O-Okay...?" Suddenly Lance stood in the center and cleared his throat to gain attention. At this, everyone looked at him, waiting for an explanation, and Hunk and Pidge moved to each side of him.

"You are going to witness, a word for word, reenactment of the worlds greatest tv show, Hannah Montana. I would like to ask all of you to be silent out of respect for our actors, and please, enjoy the show." Lance said. Suddenly Hunk, Pidge, and Lance all moved to different positions in front of them.

"Season one, episode 1, ACTION!" Lance shouted, and so the reenactment began....

 

**Time Skip 2....**

 

Lance knocked on the box beside him, using that to act as the door. Pidge (Lily) was reading a textbook on the bed (floor) when she looked up and confusedly got off the bed and made her way to the door (box). She opened the door to reveal Lance (Miley) standing there. Pidge looked surprised too see him there. Lance cheekily smiled.

"I'm Miley I'm your new roommate." he stuck out his hand as an extremely happy look took over Pidge's expressions.

"Really?!" she exclaimed happily as she shoved Lance's outstretched hand down and went in for a hug.

"Yup." Pidge squealed loudly and their bodies clashed in a tight embrace. They pulled apart to where Pidge and Lance were holding each others arms.

"You were right. You know, there's gonna be a million concerts, and tours, and movies but...I only get one chance to go to college with my best friend." Pidge let out a deep breath and pulled Lance back in for another hug as Hunk in the background lightly sang, 'You'll be with me~ yeahhhhh'

"I love you so much."

"I know!" Pidge said in a choked up voice. 'Wherever I go~."

Then they pulled apart, all three of them gathered together, held hands, and bowed yelling at the same time "SCENE!" Out in the crowd, Coran and Allura were huddled together balling their eyes out, Shiro was tearing up, and Keith had the same look of amazement Shiro had when he saw the theme song. That's right. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk reenacted every single episode of Hannah Montana, 1st to last, perfectly.

"So now this means I can make all the Hannah Montana references I want and now everyone'll get them!" Lance shouted happily. Hunk randomly said "Hottie Lamoty with a swimmers body" and everyone busted out laughing.

 

The three of them felt super accomplished. They pulled off showing something so great, to people who had no idea it even existed. What a great and productive few days. (obviously you can't finish all those episodes in a day.)

 

 


	4. Texts (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Voltron can text so Lance starts a chatroom w/ Hunk and Pidge.

**Group Chat name : Meme Team**

**Group Members : Meme_King, SaltyGremlin, Refrigerator**

_**Meme_King has entered the chatroom** _

 

 **M_K -** What be up my squad?

 

_**SaltyGremlin has entered the chatroom** _

 

 **SG -** Squad?? When did I ever agree to that...?

 

_**Refrigerator has entered the chatroom** _

 

 **R -** Yeah same here. And why did you name the chat 'Meme Team'?

 **M_K -** Okay FIRST OF ALL, Pidgeotto you entered da squad when you became a part of our team back in hell! ANd SECOND OF ALL!!! HUNKAROO!!! What do you mean?! You and I have known each other for so long!! You and I....we've always been a squad! Us...and the dank memes...

 **R -** Hunkaroo...?

 **SG -** By hell do you mean the Garrison?

 **M_K -** SHHH! We don't speak that name! We left that behind us!

 **R -** Oh I'm sorry Lance. I guess you're right we are a squad.

 **SG -** A little late answering Hunk.

 **R -** Sorry about that.

 **M_K -** Food goo?

 **R -**....

 **SG -** So that's a yes then.

 **R -** I got hungry okay?! God the meme team is really judgmental.

 **SG -** I'm not apart of the meme team.

 **M_K -** Stop being an angsty teen like mullet.

 **SG -** ANGSTY TEEN?!

 **M_K -** Mmmmhmm.

 **R -** I bet you blast MCR when you think no ones around. I bet you cried when they broke up, your eyeliner running down your cheeks as you blasted Black Parade in hope of blasting away your sorrow. 

 **M_K -**...

 **SG -** Hunk...why can I hear you crying from down the hall?

 **R -** I'm sorry! I'm sorry! The truth is...I USED TO BE A SECRET EMO KID!

 **M_K -** *gasp* HUNK!! WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME!??!

 **R -** Because, when I met you told me how emo Keith was and how cringy you thought it was! I couldn't let you see that dark side of me!

 **M_K -** I...I don't know what to say about this...Hunk. My best bro. Was... _a cringy emo kid._

 **R -** Please forgive me!

 **SG -** I did not see that one coming. Happy-go-lucky Hunk was once a depressed "misunderstood" boy who blasted Black Veil Brides?

 **M_K -** BLACK VEIL BRIDES TO?! OH NO HUNK!!

 **R -** I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

 **M_K -** I think...I need some time apart from you right now. (>*^*)>

 **R -** Lance...I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to come to this. Please! I'll do anything!! ;^;

 **M_K -** Talk later...

 

_**Meme_King has left the chatroom** _

 

 **R -** He's gone...

 **SG -** He's down the hall.

 **R -**....what am I gonna do now?

 **SG -** God you two are acting like this is a breakup or something. So what you were a closet emo? You both need to grow up and get this over with. I'm going to sleep. Night Hunk.

 

_**SaltyGremlin has left the chatroom** _

 

 **R -** I hope you can forgive me....Lance.

 

_**Refrigerator has left the chatroom** _

**Chatroom : Meme Team (Offline)**

 


	5. The Jacket Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith can't find anyone, but he does find Lance's jacket.

 

The ship was eerily quiet. Just where was everyone? Keith just got done battling the dummy (he lost) and he couldn't find anyone. He went to the kitchen to get something to drink, surprised he didn't spot Hunk rummaging through the assortment of strange alien space foods. The kitchen was completely empty, and it oddly weirded him out. He walked in, hearing his boots thunk loudly on the tile made him even more creeped out. He drank some disgusting drink on his guard. He was just expecting Lance to just jump out at him from out of no where. After he was finished he went to go look for everyone, well, honestly _anyone_ at this point. He poked his head into the weight room expecting to see Shiro lifting weights, but found it completely empty and untouched. He raised his eyebrow and scratched his head out of confusion.

"Huh?" he swiveled around, already heading towards the control room in hopes of finding Coran or Allura, maybe Pidge too. The doors slid open allowing him access into the also empty room.

"Just what the hell is going on here?" he asked himself, his voice resounded throughout the room making him frown. He sighed (like the fucking angsty emo he is) and turned around to look in the other rooms. He started to check everyone's rooms. He suddenly walked into lance's room and the only thing he saw was the jacket that his so called "rival" always wore when he wasn't decked out in armor. He looked around the room, hoping he was hiding in some corner or something. **Negative.**

He took a deep breath in to calm his quickly rising impatience. Suddenly his eyes widened.

What was this smell...?

It kinda smelt like coconuts.

What would smell like coconuts in _space?_

"Oh." he looked down to the piece of clothing in his hands and knitted his brows together. He took one quick glance over his shoulder and brought the garment up to his face and sniffed a little. BINGO.

It smelt _**really**_ good. It also felt much softer and more comfortable than his own "jacket" if you could even call it that. He set Lance's jacket on the bed and then started to remove his own battered one. He dropped his onto the floor without a care in the world and picked up Lance's again.

Should he do it?

No one's around...so it's okay then.

Right?

He took a deep breath, once again smelling the scent of coconut.

"Agh. Fuck it." he shrugged his shoulders and started to slip on Lance's jacket. Once it was fully one, Keith just stood there.

"Holy shit."

The jacket was so comfortable. The inside was lined with god knows what, but it was FUCKING SOFT and SIIIILKY. Not to mention that it actually covered his whole torso unlike his jacket. Lance wasn't that much taller than Keith, but he sure did have longer limbs, so the sleeves went past Keith's hands and the jacket was baggier in that sense. It was also really warm. And did I mention that it smelt like coconuts??

Keith walked and sat on Lance's bed. Why was Lance's bed more comfortable than his own? Oh. It was the smell. It all smelt like fruits. Coconuts and....what was it...pineapple? Keith was the most comfortable he has been in ages. He subconsciously layed back on Lance's bed and slowly closed his eyes and drifted off into sleep...

 

 

**Time Skip**

 

Lance was a smiling goofy mess as he was walking back from the pool with everyone else. He was just only a LITTLE bit disappointed that Keith didn't go. He had asked but Keith just brushed him off and kept fighting the bot. He shrugged his shoulders. He was decked out in pj pants and his usual shirt. He walked into his room ready to put on his face mask and go to sleep, but what he witnessed was his "rival" Keith passed out on his bed in  HIS  JACKET.

Lance was freaking out. What the hell was he doing?! His face started to heat up and his legs shook a little. He looked down to the floor in hopes to avoid looking at the ~~cute~~ scene in front of him, only for his eyes to land on Keith's discarded 80s jacket on the floor.

"Hm." he glanced around him and checked to make sure Keith was still sleeping. He bent down and picked up the jacket.

It smelt like old spice. (If you don't know what old spice is, then I'm surprised because their commercials make the best memes 10/10. But also the products smell fanfuckin-tastic. If you don't know how it smells, then just imagine what Keith would smell like to you. Like a campfire or pine or something.)

He hummed to himself and raised an eyebrow.

_'Should I do it?'_

_'You should.'_

_'You shouldn't.'_

_'That helps.'_

He rolled his eyes.

_'JUST DO IT MAN!'_

_'But he's my rival.'_

_'Pfft. Yeah. **"rival"** '_

_'SHUT UP!'_

_'Dude. He's wearing YOUR jacket. He did it first. Fair game.'_

_'You're right!'_

_'Of course I am. I'm you. And You're great.'_

_'Oh why thank you.'_

He shook the thoughts away and slipped the jacket on.

"Holy fuck!" he whispered to himself. God! THIS WAS UNCOMFORTABLE!

No comfort! It wasn't necessarily super rough, but it wasn't soft either. Not to mention that it was SMALL! Way too small! He was in the most unnatural pose ever and so stiff. He felt that if he moved a single inch the thing would rip at the seams. Uh oh. How was he going to get out?!

He tried to wiggle his way out but he just couldn't. He was starting to panic. His heart rate was accelerating, his eyes darting, and his breathing became unnecessarily heavy.

"Help. Help. HeLP. HELP! I'M STUCK WAKE UP AND HELP ME! AAAAH!" Keith woke up with a groan and when he sat up and opened his eyes he almost burst out laughing at the scene.

"DON'T YOU _DARE_ LAUGH AT ME! JUST HELP ME GET IT OFF!"

"Okay fine just relax."

"IF I COULD HAVE I ALREADY WOULD HAVE YOU IDIOT!"

"Fine then. I guess you don't need my help after all."

"LIKE HELL I DON'T HELP ME!!!"

"Fine fine." Keith smiled and sighed out of amusement. He helped Lance slip through the tight fitting cropped jacket and got him out of it in no time.

"There. So....what were you doing wearing my jacket?" Lance huffed out in frustration, a blush suddenly taking over. He simply grunted and pointed at Keith chest. Keith raised a brow.

"Huh...?" then he looked down and realized what Lance meant.

"O-Oh. I just uh, saw it and thought-I-LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN!"

"Agreed!"

Keith tried to get out of there but Lance held him back by the collar.

"What? I thought we wanted to forget about it?!" yelled Keith panicking for no reason.

"You're still wearing my jacket!" yelled a blushing Lance.  
"R-Right!" Keith quickly slipped his arms out (sadly) and ran out of there like no tomorrow. Lance watched the sliding doors come to a close and he stood there. He looked down at the jacket and put it on himself.

 

 

".....It smells like Old Spice."

 

 

 

 

(He didn't wash it for a while)

 


	6. Communicating With Their Lions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Voltron discovers that their lions have their own unique ways of speaking.

What a calm day it was for the brave Paladins of Voltron. All the Paladins did was clean their lions, but when they got back and gathered for dinner, they all had different types of experiences they shared with their fellow team mates.

"Man, I had the best conversation with Yellow while cleaning her today."

"Her? You shouldn't assume genders Hunk. We may be in space but that doesn't mean Tumblr won't come for us." spoke up Lance.

"Whatever! Let me finish! So anyways...."

**~Going back to Hunk cleaning the Yellow Lion~**

 

Hunk was humming to himself as he gently scrubbed between yellow's claws. He started whistling one of his favorite tunes as he swayed his hips a little and scrubbed to his own beat.

"That sounds really nice."

"Huh? Oh Yellow! Thanks, it was one of my favorite songs from when I was a kid. Now I'm a little embarrassed hehe!"

"Don't be. It was nice."

"Want me to keep going?"

"Please do."

"You're such a good lion Yellow." he continued his whistling and cleaning, once again swaying his hips and scrubbing to the beat.

"Today's such a nice day, don't you think?"

"Ah, yeah!" Hunk stopped his whistling and looked up at Yellow with a bright smile. "It really is. I wonder how those guys are doing in that village?"

"Probably enjoying the sun."

"Yeah probably. I know I would."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because I'm cleaning you silly! Besides, I like spending time with you Yellow."

"We should go on a walk sometime..."

"Yeah I would really like that! Then let's go sometime shall we?"

"Yes. That would be nice."

 

**~Back to dinna~**

 

"So that's how it went. It wasn't anything major or anything, but conversations with Yellow are surprisingly calming. Yellow's the best." A sudden annoyed huff came from Keith as he furrowed his brows.  


"I don't get it."

"Get what Keith?" asked Shiro.

"Red is so **demanding.** He was really getting on my nerves."

"AH-AH-AH! Tumblr's gonna come at you SO HARD!"

"Shut it Lance! Anyways..."

 

**~Keith scrubbing his lion~**

 

Keith was just roughly scrubbing one of the front legs of Red when he suddenly heard **them** growl.

"Huh?"

"Softer."

"Excuse me?"

"You're scrubbing too hard. Go softer." Keith furrowed his brows in frustration.  
"Are you gonna say please?"

"Also stop scrubbing in the same spot over and over again. You're gonna dull it's color."

"What the?! Why are you always so demanding? I get it when we're in battle because we have to make split second decisions and all, but I'M _your_ Paladin, and you have to respect me." When Keith got no answer he thought he had "tamed the beast". Finally Red moved their leg forward a little which made Keith fall on his ass.

"What the hell Red!"

"You were still scrubbing too hard. Do my claws now."

"Hah?!"

"Do it."

"NO WAY! SAY PLEASE FIRST!"

"No. Clean my claws. And go easy on the pressure."

"AGH!"

 

**~DInna~**

 

"Let's just say it went back and forth for a while."

"Pfft. Red won didn't they."

"SHUT IT LANCE!"

"But man you must have it tough. Blue and me are so tight! Blue's always so helpful and their suggestions are really nice. I don't ever feel any pressure and they're always so accepting of my outrageous ideas and cool pilot moves! Cleaning was a lot of fun!"

 

**~Lance and Blue sitting in a tree~**

 

"How's it feel Blue? Too rough?"

"It's fine! I think my leg's fine though, maybe you can clean my claws next?"

"Sure! Anything for you! Also thanks for the suggestion the other day. The one where you said 'Maybe you should use the ice cannon'. That really saved my butt back there!"

"Of course Lance, it was my pleasure. I'm glad you're starting to learn and get the hang of this."

"Well you're the one who makes it really easy! Plus it's nice! You don't bark orders but you also don't leave me completely in the dark. You give me suggestions and you let me make the choice. It's so great. You're so great Blue!"

"It was really no problem. It's my job to make you a better Paladin and a better pilot for me."

"But I'm not JUST **YOUR** Paladin or pilot! We're a team Blue! You and me! I just sometimes wish we could go faster. It would be so cool to just quickly rocket our way through anything!"

"Well if going fast is what you want, try hitting the booster!"

"WOAH YOU HAVE A BOOSTER!?"

"Yeah! I think you're ready for it now."

"AAAWE!" Lance had tears in his eyes as he went and hugged Blue's paw.

"Thanks buddy! *SNIFF* You really are...THE BEST!!!!"

 

**DINNERRRR**

 

"Huh. Interesting."

"Huh what is Pidge?" asked Lance raising a brow.

"Green and I just always throw questions at each other..."

 

**~PIDGE AND GREEN~**

 

Instead of cleaning Green like she was supposed to, Pidge was working on something else.

"What are you doing?" came Greens inquisitive voice.

"Working on an upgrade for you." Pidge answered simply while tinkering with the device.

"What's it gonna do?"

"Well hopefully it'll make your invisibility last a little longer. But I'm not a hundred percent sure it'll work yet."

"If it's you I'm sure you'll be able to make it happen. How long have you been working on it?"

"About 4 days maybe? I should be done within a few hours. You don't mind me not cleaning you do you?"

"Not at all Pidge. I'm plenty clean already, plus I'm excited to try the new upgrade you're working on for me."

"Katie's fine if it's you Green."

"Really? Sweet. I wonder when we'll be able to take down Zarkon..."

"Yeah. We're all curious, no doubt about that, but we'll be able to do it. Don't you think so green?"

"Indeed. With the power of Voltron and the strong bonds everyone is forming with their lions, we'll definitely be able to defeat Zarkon and the rest of the Galra empire."

"Hey Green?"

"Yes Katie?"

"Thanks for letting me unlock that cool power of yours a while back. You know, with the root vine thingies and the floating death cubes."

"It was really no trouble. It was the right time for you to unlock my power. You earned it."

"Thanks Green! It's a really neat power too. While I'm not too fond of the outdoors, it's a really useful and cool power. Who knew plants could be so tough?"

"Who knew indeed?"

Pidge just laughed and laughed while Green chuckled along with her.

 

**~DINNER Again~**

 

The whole time they were discussing their different interactions and conversations with their lions, Shiro silently sat there and listened to everyone's stories, then he thought back to him cleaning up Black.

 

**~Shiro time~**

 

Shiro got right down to business, cleaning the lion efficiently and quickly, being done in a short 1 and a half. Once he was done, he put the rag in the bucket and wiped off the small amount of sweat building on his brow.

"Excellent work." the sudden voice startled Shiro, but he smiled as he looked up at his lion.

"Oh it was nothing. I'm glad you think so though."

"Also, thank you for saving Lance back there. You did a really nice job helping him and the rest of the team out. You are a true leader of Voltron." Shiro's face flushed slightly in embarrassment and he scratched the back of his neck.

"R-Really it was nothing! I was just doing what any friend and leader would do."

"I know you were, and that's very noble of you Shiro. Some people would just do it to look good, but I felt your spirit back there and it was true and dedicated to saving your fellow paladin and friend. You really are becoming quite the leader. You're even adapting well and using my tools to the best of their abilities. The other day you were wise to use the sword and the shield, your decision brought the team victory." Shiro flailed his arms.

"Black it's okay! I'm very honored to have you say such things and I promise I won't let your or the rest of team Voltron down. I promise to become an even better leader of Voltron than Zarkon ever was."

"I believe in you Shiro. I know you can do it."

 

**DIINERE**

 

Shiro tried to suppress the smile on his face. Black was always letting Shiro do things independently as a leader. They would throw in advice every now and then and guide Shiro along the proper lines of being a leader. The Black lions let Shiro make the decisions he wanted to make, but if it saw the opportunity to guide Shiro, then it would.

Everyone (except for fucking Keith XD ) liked how their lion spoke in a unique way to them that they could relate and get along with.

 

Poor Keith tho. Pfft. Dude got stuck up with a demanding wife for a lion.

 


	7. Cowboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance wants to know if Keith is from Texas

Recently, Lance learned some _pretty_ interesting news about his "rival" Keith.

 

"Are you sure Pidge?"

"Yes...well _no_ but also yes."

"Dude! Which one is it! Yes or no!"

"I don't know! I can't know if the data I picked up is 100% accurate."

"So...you don't know _for sure."_

"Yes Lance."

"Ugh alright. I can work with that. Later! Ima go find mullet!" Pidge gave a half hearted wave back as she continued on digging up more data about, well, honestly anything. As long as she learns something new, then she's happy with it. Lance was jogging down the hall, his heavy footsteps sounding even heavier within the metal hallway. He hummed.

"Where would Keith be?"

"Why would you need to know where I am?" Lance jumped around to face the culprit who scared him half to death. How had he not heard him coming?

"WOAH! DUDE! You can't just come up behind me like that!! You almost scared me to death!!"

"Shame."

"WHAT?!?! Wait, no. Now's not the time for this." Lance took deep breathes to calm himself, which, Keith found extremely weird because Lance never shy's away from one of their arguments, and he's definitely not one to calm himself down and be reasonable. Keith raised his bushy brow in the silent question of, 'Dude, you okay?'

"So, how's it goin' _cowboy?"_

"What?" Cowboy? Seriously? What was this? Why was Lance calling him **cowboy?**

"Um...?" Keith was trying to look anywhere but Lance. He was failing epically.

"Cowboy! You going deaf!? I asked how you were doing _partner."_ Keith was starting to get a little freaked out. What was this!?!?! SERIOUSLY!! WILL SOMEONE EXPLAIN THE SITUATION TO HIM!? IS HE THE BUTT END OF AN INSIDE JOKE!? H ELP!!

"Lance....? Are you feeling alright?" 

"Of course I am you rastler!"

"What's a...rastler?" Lance stopped and looked at him confusedly.

"Isn't rastler a thing in Texas?"

"Huh? How would I know?"

"Wait so you aren't, from Texas?"

"Confidential."

"HUH?! WHAT!!? NO!! KEITH COME ON! ARE YOU FROM TEXAS OR NOT!! I'M FROM CUBA!! SEE! PALS! SHARING EVERYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER!! GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER! KEITH!! KEITH?!"

"I'll see you later Lance." Keith turned the corner and he was out of sight. Lance just stood there dumbfounded and basically questioning life.

 

"...Wait...so is he from Texas or not?"


	8. Sharks vs. Hippos

 

"SHARKS!"

"HIPPOS!"

"SHARKS!"

"HIPPOS!"

 

This had been going on for 20 minutes already. Keith and Lance's foreheads were pressed so hard against each other, Hunk was afraid that they'd meld into one angry being.

 

"WHAT THE HELL IS SO COOL ABOUT A _HIPPO?!_ THEY'RE SO FAT AND LAZY AND UGLY! LIKE YOU!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT HIPPOS ARE ONE OF THE MOST AGGRESSIVE AND STRONG ANIMALS ON LAND! WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT SHARKS HUH?!"

"THEY'RE FAST, DEADLY, AND CUTE! WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO KNOW?!"

"GRRRRR!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT IT!!" screamed Pidge. The two angry paladins separated and glared at her for interrupting.

"Pidge, would you tell mullet that Sharks are better than Hippos?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"YOU HEARD ME!"

"STOP IT!" yelled Pidge once again, forced to raise her voice.

"Well, would you at least tell us which one is best?" asked Lance, puppy dogs already set in place. Pidge sighed and rubbed her temples.

"Ugh fine." Keith's and Hunk's ears perked at this. Finally it would all be settled!!

"Owls."

Silence.

Did Pidge just say owls?? Yes. Yes she did.

"Huh?"

"Um...Pidge, that wasn't-"

"You wanted me to say which was best. Neither of them. They both suck in comparison to Owls."

Silence and scrutinizing stares.

"What? I was just being honest."

And the yelling starts back up again, but with a third member this time. Allura walks in to the awful screeching that is Lance, Keith, and Pidge vouching for their favorite animals.

"Now just what is going on here?! Why are you all squabbling?"

"Oh, they're all discussing which animal is the best."

"Which animal is the best?" questioned Allura, eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Yeah, but I mean, we all know dogs are the best."

Cue all eyes on Hunk.

"Excuse me...?" asked Lance.

"What? It's true! Dogs are a mans best friend! And are the best animals out there! They're smart-"

"At shaking paws and catching sticks!" yelled Pidge.

"Mouse."

....

"Huh?" all eyes were now on Allura as she had the most nonchalant expression on her face.

"Mice are the best animals. They're small, quick, and intelligent. I don't know what 'dogs' are or any of the other animals you speak of, but Mice are clearly superior."

"NO WAY!! My owls eat your mice for breakfast!"

"But my dogs eat your owls!"

"Oh yeah?! Well if they really wanted to, my hippos would eat all of them!"

"Yeah right!! My shark buddies would eat owls and mice as appetizers, and your DUMB HIPPOS WOULD BE THE MAIN COURSE!"

All the arguments were all meshed into loud screaming and extreme pointing, and people outside the circle of yelling wouldn't be able to make out a single word.

Shiro walked through the doors in hopes of acquiring what he assumed would be an afternoon snack, only to walk into the mess that the other paladins and Allura were exchanged in. He sighed and just backed out from where he came from, not wanting to get involved with whatever..... _that_ was.

 

We'll never know which animal is truly the best.


End file.
